Two weeks ago Misha passed away out of my arms into the universe (Read blog entry: Diminished by One: The Death of a Beloved Feline). He cannot be cuddled anymore. As I wake to do my daily drawings, I am present to my loss of his persistence presence. No cat companion to feed, to comb, to converse with, to let out, nor to sit next to as I draw. His ashes are beside me now (Read blog entry: Dead Finish to Misha's Life).
As I begin to draw, I don’t think too deeply. I don’t judge myself for my continued need to commune with Misha (NOT GOOD, NOT BAD, JUST IS). I ask him and myself how we want to be conveyed. My palette is limited to 9 inches by 12 inches and about 20 watercolor pencils.
This blog begins after the crematorium’s hot fires burnished Misha into a bright shining star in my HEART and MEMORY.
|RESTING IN PEACE (Drawn November 10, 2011). Two mornings after Misha’s cremation at Paws, Whiskers and Wags: Your Pet Crematorium, I drew this serene image of Misha sleeping in a bed of INFINITE space. My hand reaches toward him touching, releasing, and touching again. The flowers are scattered from my crown of flowers, multiplying and spinning in time with Misha. I found great comfort in seeing this image emerge. Wandjina (Creation God and a symbol for my animus) reaches out to assist in Misha’s JOURNEY.|
|OH MY LOVE (Drawn November 11, 2011). Yes, Misha, I will dance with you. You are bigger than me and so alive in the way I imagine you. Yes, I will dance with you. And for now, I will not mourn but dance!|
|INNER-TWINED, INNER-THOUGHTS, INNER-BEING (Drawn November 13, 2011). Is it possible that while physical loss is FINITE, SPIRITUAL CONNECTION is INFINITE?|
|HELD: IN SPACE AND TIME ALL THINGS CHANGE (Drawn November 14, 2011). The GREAT exchange! BEING comforted by the BEINGNESS of Misha.|
|PROCESS OF EXPERIENCING FELINE LOSS (Drawn November 15, 2011). Being present to my loss. NOT GOOD, NOT BAD, JUST IS….|
|DANCE? LET GO? NOT YET! (Drawn November 17, 2011). Almost two weeks into my PROCESS of HEALING, I realized that MOURNING is not fast. Today, I discovered the “hidden contract” I had made with myself! Here is the contract: 1) Draw every day being present to Misha’s death. 2) Do not judge—not good, not bad, just. 3) Check for healing, expecting the “drawing meditation” to work like an antibiotic—quick recovery! I feel perplexed! I had tricked myself into thinking I could HEAL myself with expediency by “striving” conscientiously!|
How I love ART and the way my inner-and outer-self speak to one another, integrating my woes and joys. I give myself permission to let my ART be what I need it to be! I give myself permission to take TIME to HEAL and to SEE what is the next thing I need.
|HONORABLE MENTION: My dear dear Chiboogamoo, the brilliant paleontologist that he is wrote a wonderful tribute to our beloved feline using his ichnological insight. His tribute, "Cat Ichnology: The Marks of Misha," can be found on a charming and engaging blog, Geokittehs, which is dedicated to the teaching of geology through the use of--yes--cats! I took this photo in December 2010. Chiboogamoo was teaching our feline companion about evolution from his course with the Teaching Company, "Major Transitions in Evolution."|
|PERSISTENT PERMISSIVE PERMANENT SOULMATE|
photo by Chiboogamoo