REFLECTING ON 2010: Taking the REVERB 10 CHALLENGE

Dear Pilgrims 'tis the season to reflect as each day grows in darkness, and we prepare for the shortest day of the year. Three women have created a wonderful reflection place at REVERB10. Hallelujah for this opportunity to "soul blog" with other like minded pilgrims! I will be blogging in response to their daily prompts and encourage you to join us! Reflection is the fodder for new ideas!

Here is the PROMPT for December 6th:

What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need more time for it?

For me the first thing that comes to mind is pushing pungent sticks of cloves into a fresh perfectly round shaped orange to create a sense or scent of the winter holidays because a friend of mine always makes enough to fill a large bowl and I thought I would do ONE for the EXPERIENCE. Try it, the citrusy juices burst from the orange and along with the woody fragrance from the cloves coats your fingers! A very tactile and fragrant experience!

Or should I recount the image I drew of my persona Hallelujah that echoes one of Leon Bakst’s dancers? She is drawn in watercolor pencils on paper and surrounded by images made using archival pens. This more voluptuous Hallelujah may be a one time only departure from a demurer Hallelujah sojourner! We shall see!

I WANT to write a book called “From HOWLS to HOWL-a-lujahs” that documents my 3- year journey from being “stuck” creatively to exuberantly living the life I imagine each day! I moved from being a fulltime teacher who longed to live the life of an artist to BEING the artist who teaches part-time! Because I have done it, I believe everyone can be fully experiencing the life they desire!

Yes! I need more time for writing this book, and I know it is my responsibility to CREATE the time in my busy artmaking and teaching schedule to write “From HOWLS to HOWL-a-lujahs!”

DARKNESS ENCOUNTERED: BOTH FRIGHTENING AND FERTILE

HALLELUJAH PILGRIMS! Welcome to my ADVENTUROUS ARTFUL JOURNEY! I soulblog with YOU in order to have companionship on my PILGRIMAGE and to learn about YOUR ARTFUL JOURNEY. In this blog, I invite you to the DARKNESS I have been experiencing recently. I have endured a breakdown in confidence and suffered from a writer’s block. DOUBTING oneself can be both FRIGHTENTING and FERTILE.

First, before expounding seriously about FRIGHT and FERTILITY confronted in the DARKNESS, I must proclaim that a pilgrim’s ADVENTURE is not all flashing daring-do in the light of brilliant action—this ADVENTURE also contains periods of stillness and reflection when most everything stops, and there is no apparent LIGHT.

What might a PILGRIM do in the DARK part of the adventurer’s path? Well, for starters, I stopped writing because I became uncertain that I had anything of WORTH to say to YOU, fellow pilgrims. For me, the DARKNESS consists of a lot of physical inaction while contemplating my “perceived” unworthiness. Yes, this uncompassionate examination of myself is maddening and verbally unproductive—a FRIGHT!

However, even though the written words that would comprise a “published blog” hid in these SHADOWY DOUBTS, I have continued to make art daily, a profusion of it—because that is what I have TRAINED myself to do—the daily practice of showing up to the drawing table and draining my heart and soul onto the page (I do not feature this work here today but will show it to you in a future blog.).

During this time, I have also allowed myself to FEEL incredibly flawed. I acknowledge my feelings and make observations. I reflect. By accepting my negative thoughts, I move through them. The stillness turns into action. In the DARKNESS, I am ready to HOWL out my FRIGHT! (My Chiboogamoo is patient and finds a certain musicality to my expressive howls!):

--I am alone (except for Chiboogamoo)!

--Nobody loves me (except for Chiboogamoo)!

--My art is no good!

--Everything I think is cliché!

--I have nothing to contribute!

A fellow pilgrim (Karen Phillips) suggests that I write my blog about this DARKNESS, about THESE howls that lead to the existential question: WHAT IS THE MEANING OF LIFE? You more experienced PILGRIMS are nodding at this particular well-worn question, one you relinquished long ago. This question has no BIG answer—only individual responses.

It is my individual response that brings me FERTILITY from the depths of DARKNESS.What is the meaning of MY life? I live unabashedly to live and breathe SOULFULNESS expressed. I feed myself on AUTHENTICITY and HONESTY served to me in a written word, a vocal utterance, an image, a dance….

The ROBUSTNESS of MYSELF relies on the joy of being present to each and every day. I inhale with anticipation the excitement of what will emerge on the paper before me. I invite you to share your thoughts, drawings, and songs with ME, HALLELUJAH!

HALLELUJAH for TRUTH! Hallelujah for the JOURNEY! Write me, tell me about your journeys into DARKNESS! Blessings to YOU ALL!